What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 16.06.2025 17:27
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Are Indian youths conservative or liberal?
I don,t even have a pension.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
What baseball stories from the early days of the sport seem too bizarre to be true?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Are women as visual as men are?
We all went to grammer schools
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
What's wrong with white women?
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
She loved him until the end.
I was 9 years of age.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
What does it mean if you dream your dad died?
Would this be the day?
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
What do you do to make yourself sleep early?
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
What did i know ?
What is one thing you've learned from life?
It was going to be , some day.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Who are the archers in Genesis 49:23?
We were not on the streets..
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I could never make a relationship work though!
I was very sick at this time too.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I think the readers, may guess!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She married twice! .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She was in good health!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My family never makes their pension either.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I will be 64.
All the time i was locked up.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He knew the spot.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
(And it was in our own minds.)
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But it wasn’t much.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was scared of men, in general
Was to survive, this bastard.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Put me off passion for life!!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She wouldn,t have been !
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Ive learnt so much.
Comes on , in middle age.
As i do to all so called friends.?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My life is so biszare .
I said to her
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I write beautiful poetry .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So, i spoilt her more .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Who then, do I blame.?
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
So whats the point in blame.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
She found it foreign!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
When she asked me how she looked .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I waited trembling.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I never cut or harmed myself..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But, we were locked up after school.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I couldn’t, believe it.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I was seconnd youngest,
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
On the 31st of Jan this month .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And i lived it daily.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Im still living with it.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
This is soul school!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I have no regrets .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.